flyswatters, the letting go, and fish out of water

dear Speculos,

I know the two of you never knew each other so well, but when I stood behind Rooster at his wedding, he pulled me aside just before the bride walked down the isle and told me that I should take the adage ‘If your love it let it go’ to heart. He said that I should live by it as a literal truth. He was smiling, but it did not match his words: ‘say goodbye while you can still choose to, and it will not be forced onto you.’

‘If you do this,’ he said, ‘you will remember love with a fondness-.’ And Rooster kept talking until he was interrupted by Wagner. ‘Here comes the bride’ he said.

This was nearly a year ago. And I’m sorry I’ve been silent. I know that you’ve been breathing only out of habit. And that what you need from me is not a slap on the back. So I’ll say it now: If your father and his father were fish out of water, you must break the cycle. Maybe it’s because we grew up around the corner from god, but I believe there is such a thing a healthy fear. There is a fear which teaches some of us to stand up. And there is also a fear which makes some of us send the television to school instead of our bodies. Please keep to the former.
But I know it isn’t up to me.

I too have felt the emptiness that comes and goes
like a flyswatter. and sometimes it helps when
the chalkboard takes me aside and listens to me.
I hope you have managed to befriend some good people.
Waffle Henley.

I am homesick.
not because I am weak,
but because i have a home.

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